gazingup: (✘ serious)
[ the camera snaps on, revealing Tristan carefully examining an object in his hand - it's green, shaped like a ping pong ball, and unmistakeably a mushroom. ]

But it's just a mushroom!

...Still, they say it's a mushroom that can bring someone back to life. I can't say I need it and hope to never, but it'd be awfully useful to have. Only a fool would throw it away, really.

What odd luck, though I'm certainly not compl-

[ a deep roar clips off the end of his sentence. The timbre can only belong to that of the King Queen of the Jungle-- a motherfucking lion.]

Wh- What- What was that? Oh god, why is there- why is there a lion sitting on the couch?

[ The video pans out to focus on the animal sitting there comfortably on the sofa. She seems unperturbed and rather unimpressed by Tristan's ruckus and clatter. Also, she may have just rolled her eyes, or at least as close to an eyeroll a lion can manage. ]

Calm yourself, Tristan.

Calm? You're telling me to be calm! There's a bloody lioness in my home. I left the forest to avoid lions, now- now they come wandering into my house!

And am I ever glad about that. An entire month spent living in a forest? We are not animals.

You're- You. You're talking to me right now, aren't you?

What do you see before you?

[ pauuuuse. ]

Yvaine! Get the meat from the ice box! Hurry, there should be some left over from-

Please calm down before you hurt yourself, Tristan.

I am reasonably calm considering the situation! Honestly, get out of here-

[ A heavy, rectangular object flies into the camera's view, hitting the unimpressed lion in the back. Seems like Tristan had a sudden spark of courage, too bad it comes with unfortunate results. The camera switches to focus on Tristan, who's currently bent over and nursing a bruise on his back. ]

OW! Ow. Jesus Christ. What the hell was that?

I have to admit. The only reason I didn't dodge was for that reaction.

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Tristan Thorn | king of stormhold

May 2010

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