magical flying moron

[nick / name]: Audrey
[personal LJ name]: ignipotent
[other characters currently played]:
Kinomoto Sakura | bealright | Cardcaptor Sakura
Amory Felix | fatespoken | Original Character
Sam Oliver | idkmybffsatan | Reaper
[e-mail]: aeloriax [at] gmail.com
[AIM / messenger]: along cat is long

[series]: Stardust (Movie)
[character]: Tristan Thorn

( A shop boy like me... I could never have imagined an adventure this big in order to wish for it. )

Excuse me, but has anyone seen a young woman around the City— blond haired, slim, shining brilliantly pale? Yesterday, she spoke on the network about her discovery of a dead unicorn missing its horn.

Yvaine told me she was in the forest burying it last night, but she was supposed to have returned immediately afterward. Nearly a day has passed already— if... if any of you have seen her, even heard her voice or mention of her on the network, please tell me.

treadingdawn, what happened after the two of you separated?

[ooc: I lag forever. Pretend this is backdated to 10:30 ~ 11:00 PM last night. ]

[ Those are the sound of firm footsteps you're hearing. Footsteps that suit the steady movement of his stride, of the straight-backed and confident posture belonging to the one stepping down a stone-laden path of the City. Who could it possibly be? A new arrival? But how strange that a new arrival would be so unperturbed by the atypical sight around him. ]

Well, I didn't think I would end up here again.

[ A minute's pause for thought as he continues his journey; a definite destination leading his steps. ]

Not that I ever expected to land in the City the first time.

[ ooc: Updated to a few minutes past leaving Captain Shakespeare's airship! ]

Have you found yourself missing a heart beat? Have you ever been at the mercy of the City and its questionably sane citizens, only to discover yourself dead on the sidewalk the next day? Ever wake up one morning wishing you were alive again? Or even if you aren't dead yet, have you ever desired guaranteed, fail-safe insurance for your life?

Then, I - Tristan Thorn - have a product I'm quite certain that you will be interested in. Quite certain. A finely crafted item from the hands of the Deities themselves, forged by the same magic that fuels this concrete nightmare, and obtained through great perils involving a large, probably feral and offensive talking bear.

What is it? Ladies and Gents, I present to you——


THE MUSHROOM

This delectable dish is more than delicious, why, it's marvelously divine! And when I say divine, I mean divine in its literal sense. For what could one call a mushroom that revives life anything other than divine? That's right! One of these mushrooms, and that quiet heart of yours will beat again! No more chills from that cold, pasty flesh of yours! No more wishing you could use the restroom! And food? I imagine it would actually be filling, never mind tasty again.

So what does it take to get your hands on these god-fungus? Mind you there's only ONE available, so... obviously, you must understand that it's no small price. However, I find it very reasonable, exceptionally reasonable, all considering.

GET YOUR LIFE-REVIVING MUSHROOM FOR ONLY 5 x 10⁷ INDIGOS TODAY!


***: FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY!! With your purchase of the life-reviving mushroom, you can also order the HEART OF IMMORTALITY, which will make it so you'll never, ever have to worry about terrible-old death knocking at your door! It's harvested fresh from the chest of a shiningdown, and let me tell you from experience, that's one feisty star. Your heart will be kicking for an eternity, I assure you. Think about it-- revive yourself and freeze your youth for eternity, all for the reasonable price of 1 x 10¹⁵ Indigos!

Why is there an organ in front of my door? Is it a lung? It looks like a lung-- why is there a bloody lung in front of my door?

...

Dear God.


[ in a frantic voice ]

Excuse me- Excuse me! I have an important request to ask of all of you.

Have any of you seen a woman by the name of Yvaine recently? Slim, blonde hair, very pale, and rather cranky most of the time. She wears a long dress and often spends her times outside, most likely at night where- where the stars are most visible. She can sometimes be seen with a unicorn?

If any- If any of you happened to have seen her recently, could you tell me where and when? It's very, extremely important that you tell me.

Please.

——I'm well aware that yelling is not allowed in a library, but look who's being the bloody pot!

[ the reply is muffled, but it's still obvious that the voice is nearing the point of yelling. ]

...Don't just walk away like that! If you could be stop being such a witch and tell- [ his voice abruptly stops, leaving only the buzz of static. ]

[ooc: Aaaaand shiningdown and Tristan have returned home for an update. ♥ They will be back soon enough. ]

[ the camera snaps on, revealing Tristan carefully examining an object in his hand - it's green, shaped like a ping pong ball, and unmistakeably a mushroom. ]

But it's just a mushroom!

...Still, they say it's a mushroom that can bring someone back to life. I can't say I need it and hope to never, but it'd be awfully useful to have. Only a fool would throw it away, really.

What odd luck, though I'm certainly not compl-

[ a deep roar clips off the end of his sentence. The timbre can only belong to that of the King Queen of the Jungle-- a motherfucking lion.]

Wh- What- What was that? Oh god, why is there- why is there a lion sitting on the couch?

[ The video pans out to focus on the animal sitting there comfortably on the sofa. She seems unperturbed and rather unimpressed by Tristan's ruckus and clatter. Also, she may have just rolled her eyes, or at least as close to an eyeroll a lion can manage. ]

Calm yourself, Tristan.

Calm? You're telling me to be calm! There's a bloody lioness in my home. I left the forest to avoid lions, now- now they come wandering into my house!

And am I ever glad about that. An entire month spent living in a forest? We are not animals.

You're- You. You're talking to me right now, aren't you?

What do you see before you?

[ pauuuuse. ]

Yvaine! Get the meat from the ice box! Hurry, there should be some left over from-

Please calm down before you hurt yourself, Tristan.

I am reasonably calm considering the situation! Honestly, get out of here-

[ A heavy, rectangular object flies into the camera's view, hitting the unimpressed lion in the back. Seems like Tristan had a sudden spark of courage, too bad it comes with unfortunate results. The camera switches to focus on Tristan, who's currently bent over and nursing a bruise on his back. ]

OW! Ow. Jesus Christ. What the hell was that?

I have to admit. The only reason I didn't dodge was for that reaction.

Yvaine? Yvaine?

....

YVAINE.

[ that last yell sent birds flying from their tress, if the sudden rush of chittering was any hint. yes, he's still in the forest after three weeks. ]

Where did you run off to? Honestly, this place is dangerous. You- You could get yourself hurt, and then I'd-

[ paaause, wait! here comes the light bulb, and he takes the communicator out of his pocket, snapping it on...only to realize it was already on in the first place. ]

...Blasted thing. There's no sense to how it works, turning off and on like its got a mind of its own. Probably does have a mind of its own, if you ask me.

Anyways, what was I, oh-

Hello, City? Everyone? I was wondering- I was wondering if any of you have seen a woman wandering around? Blonde hair, silver dress, insufferable temperament. Yells and complains quite a lot, so I'm sure it's not hard to miss her.

[ crickets chirp, and yes those are actual crickets. ]

I've got to find her. She's a star, you see- I'm sure this is the first time she's touched ground in ... in centuries, and she could easily get hurt running off by herself. So if any of you see her, would you please direct her to me? Or rather, actually- Would you tell me where she is?

My thanks for your assistance.

[ Betraying the heavy mood of the City, the center of town is relatively quiet. Only the soft patter of foot steps here and there and the murmuring of hushed voices reach the air, but if anyone was to pay attention, they might notice a orange-yellow orb making a low course across the sky. An orb that's heading for a direct target-- which just happens to be a certain shiningdown. Ironic, isn't it? And the orb dips, gaining speed as it begins to fall toward earth, the light peeling back to reveal a young man with look of death (or at least shock) across his face. Finally he reaches his target, colliding directly into the woman, and in turn knocking them both into the fountain. There's a rather loud splash, as there obviously would be. ]

Oh, Mother! Mother, I've gotten you all wet!

[ absolutely furious splashing, like someone's just flailed her arms in exasperation...which Yvaine has ] Mother? Who's 'Mother'? Ow, would you get off of me already? ... [some more indignant splashing]

You are my mother! [he still hasn't gotten off her yet, probably too caught up in the moment to realize that he just might be heavy.] See, I've got this candle- I've got the candle you gave me, and I thought of you just like I was supposed to...then suddenly I was here!

[ a long pause........silence.....maybe just the sound of the fountain ] I'm as much your mother as you are a genius. Weren't you listening? I said, move! [the sound of...well she's trying to push him over now, not really caring if she tips him right over back into the fountain next to her or not because...he Isn't Listening fff ]

[ he lands beside her with another splash, choking on a gulp of water in the same motion.] But this candle is- [a fit of coughs] ...this candle should have taken me to my mother! Unless-- [ there's a stunned look on his face, his mouth half agape and eyes wide as he focuses them on Yvaine. ]

...I was thinking of my mother, and then Victoria popped in my head -- the star! I was thinking of the star! Then why- then why am I here in a fountain? On top of a woman! There's no star around here! Is this ruddy candle broken or something?

[ equally stunned silence but not of astonishment...unless you count astonishment by what Yvaine considers the closest personification of the word idiocy she's ever been so unfortunate to encounter ] ...of course. It had nothing to do with you not being able to follow simple directions. [sarcasm, would you like some more? because there IS more...lots]

You're unnecessarily cruel, you know that?

Only if you've earned it!

How have I earned it? I haven't done anything to you!