❂ eighth | audio post

[gazingup]

I pressed the button on my box last week.

I did it with full confidence, despite knowing that I would hurt someone- for all I know, I could have even killed someone. I- I can't I can't say I don't regret it, now that I've received nothing except guilt, but... you have to realize that I had to do it. I have to go home to Victoria. Don't all of you understand? I can't remain here and spend unnecessary hours waiting, not when I've got less than a week left. Less than a weak to determine the rest of my life.

The right thing to do- the way I can make up for it all, would be to give away my mushroom. Remember that incident with the bear? I still have it on me-- that magical mushroom which can restore a single life. And to consider how many people have died even this month...

But I won't be giving it to anyone. I need to save it for Yvaine or myself because how could I deliver a star to Victoria if the star dies? It's not so unlikely at this point- I suppose living forever's enough to make some people do just about anything, but all I want is Victoria.

If I can't win Victoria's hand in marriage, then what else do I have? The humdrum of mediocrity day in and day out?

I'm just a shopboy, you know. You can't expect so much out of me.

Comments

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[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

Are you sure about the mushroom?

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

I'm sure.

No matter the friends I make here, what truly matters is keeping Yvaine safe for Victoria and returning home.

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[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

I see. Well it is admirable that you would want to keep Yvaine safe. I didn't think stars could be killed, but that is a very wrong presumption to make.

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

Stars live forever, but they're not infallible. And it's not... it's not to keep her safe for her own sake- it's just for Victoria.

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[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

What would it take for you to part with the mushroom?

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

Nothing that anyone could give me here.

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[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

I see.

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

Why do you even bother talking to me, Caspian?

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[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

Why not? Aren't we something like friends?

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

You- You're a king Caspian, and I... I'm just a shop boy forever stuck in provincial town. Actually, I'm not even really a shop boy anymore. I couldn't even keep that job!

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

... Why would a king associate himself with someone like me? Someone who shouldn't even matter.

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[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

I wasn't always a king, Tristan, and while I was born a prince I can tell you it isn't so glamorous nor is it like a fairytale. As a king now, in Narnia being a shop boy matters because you would be a countryman under my protection. I serve my people, shop boys and nobles alike.

Here, perhaps borders and titles matter less, but here I thought perhaps we were friends. Just Caspian and Tristan.

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

Then that must only be the case in Narnia. Certainly, it's not that way in my England.

That's truly what you think? That we can just be friends, despite there being all the difference in the world between us? I don't know why it's hard to believe.

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[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

The Pevensies come from England and they are some of my closest friends. So yes, it is hard to believe.

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

Then we must come from different Englands.

[ pause ]

... But thank you for considering me something of a friend, Caspian. Despite the side of me I've show you today.

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[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

I think maybe you are cursed but even if you are not, if you are feeling unwell or unhappy, I would still consider you a friend, Tristan.

I don't think you need to marry to escape mediocrity either.

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

I am talking a lot, aren't I? I didn't even mean to open my mouth or this connection, but I can't stop myself.

It's not that! I- I love her, Caspian. Maybe it's difficult to understand, but I... I would give anything to marry Victoria. That is how much I care for her.

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[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

Well your life cannot be so mediocre if you have been courting her with success.

audio ; private | oh god, caspian. kick him in the head

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

I wonder if you could really call it success. Sometimes I suspect Victoria asked for the star because she believed it was impossible for me to find.

... I really am cursed.

audio ; private | oh shi- sun

[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

She asked for a star for you to secure her favor?

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

Yes. We watched one fall from the sky together, and then she asked me for it. If I could bring it to her in a week, then she would marry me.

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[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

Are you even friends with Victoria?

[Probably taking advantage of this curse. Hmmmmmmm. Oh well.]

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

I... of course—

Sort of? We went to school together and I carried her groceries for her.

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[treadingdawn.livejournal.com]

If Victoria truly cares for you too I think she would be just as happy without a star, and I am not saying you shouldn't watch for Yvaine's safety either but...

She doesn't seem ready to go along willingly does she?

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[gazingup.livejournal.com]

If a star is what it takes, then I'll go to whatever lengths to bring it to her.

Yvaine wouldn't be safe traveling alone now.