❂ thirteenth | backdated to this morning

[gazingup]

Have you found yourself missing a heart beat? Have you ever been at the mercy of the City and its questionably sane citizens, only to discover yourself dead on the sidewalk the next day? Ever wake up one morning wishing you were alive again? Or even if you aren't dead yet, have you ever desired guaranteed, fail-safe insurance for your life?

Then, I - Tristan Thorn - have a product I'm quite certain that you will be interested in. Quite certain. A finely crafted item from the hands of the Deities themselves, forged by the same magic that fuels this concrete nightmare, and obtained through great perils involving a large, probably feral and offensive talking bear.

What is it? Ladies and Gents, I present to you——


THE MUSHROOM

This delectable dish is more than delicious, why, it's marvelously divine! And when I say divine, I mean divine in its literal sense. For what could one call a mushroom that revives life anything other than divine? That's right! One of these mushrooms, and that quiet heart of yours will beat again! No more chills from that cold, pasty flesh of yours! No more wishing you could use the restroom! And food? I imagine it would actually be filling, never mind tasty again.

So what does it take to get your hands on these god-fungus? Mind you there's only ONE available, so... obviously, you must understand that it's no small price. However, I find it very reasonable, exceptionally reasonable, all considering.

GET YOUR LIFE-REVIVING MUSHROOM FOR ONLY 5 x 10⁷ INDIGOS TODAY!


***: FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY!! With your purchase of the life-reviving mushroom, you can also order the HEART OF IMMORTALITY, which will make it so you'll never, ever have to worry about terrible-old death knocking at your door! It's harvested fresh from the chest of a shiningdown, and let me tell you from experience, that's one feisty star. Your heart will be kicking for an eternity, I assure you. Think about it-- revive yourself and freeze your youth for eternity, all for the reasonable price of 1 x 10¹⁵ Indigos!

Comments

1/2

[adamantined]

[adamantined]

Are you sure you aren't on mushrooms?

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't accidentally step on a mushroom like that.

[adamantined]

So you're just a crazy person.

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

How am I crazy? I'm presenting a fantastic offer at a reasonable price. You're the one who's suspiciously insane if you can't recognize a good deal.

[whatsapersia.livejournal.com]

The mushroom. For how much?

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

Should I write the price larger? 5 x 10⁷ Indigos, my friend.

[whatsapersia.livejournal.com]

The real price.

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

What you're looking at is the true price.

[old-lady-sukima.livejournal.com]

I feel like I've seen that mushroom before...

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

I doubt it. When I said there was only one, I meant it completely.

[old-lady-sukima.livejournal.com]

[Mimes a game controller]

1/2

[had_not_lived]

That mushroom... I don't even know how anyone could get that much money...

[had_not_lived]

You're going to tear someone's heart out and sell it? That's sick!

so very very curse sob

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

You're making it out to be far more gruesome than it truly. Just a few incisions here, a few neat slices there and well-- It's not sick at all.

Neil's horrified enough to forget about the mushroom XD

[had_not_lived]

It's horrible! What about the person whose heart it is?!

HAHAHA nightmares for neil forever

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

It doesn't belong to a person, rather, it belongs to a star.

[neurotoxicity]

Why are you offering a mushroom for such an extremely high price?

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

Why wouldn't a mushroom this special have a high price?

[neurotoxicity]

It really restores life?

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

Do you think I would lie? I wouldn't have bothered posting to advert, otherwise.

[bonescientist.livejournal.com]

You're selling mushrooms? This... sounds morally questionable.

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

... How- How is this morally questionable?

[bonescientist.livejournal.com]

Because "special mushrooms" usually refers to hallucinogens and here you are selling them to people.

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

I can assure you that this mushroom won't cause any hallucinating. Well, unless, you convince yourself you're hallucinating once you realize your return to life with just a few bites!