❂ thirteenth | backdated to this morning

[gazingup]

Have you found yourself missing a heart beat? Have you ever been at the mercy of the City and its questionably sane citizens, only to discover yourself dead on the sidewalk the next day? Ever wake up one morning wishing you were alive again? Or even if you aren't dead yet, have you ever desired guaranteed, fail-safe insurance for your life?

Then, I - Tristan Thorn - have a product I'm quite certain that you will be interested in. Quite certain. A finely crafted item from the hands of the Deities themselves, forged by the same magic that fuels this concrete nightmare, and obtained through great perils involving a large, probably feral and offensive talking bear.

What is it? Ladies and Gents, I present to you——


THE MUSHROOM

This delectable dish is more than delicious, why, it's marvelously divine! And when I say divine, I mean divine in its literal sense. For what could one call a mushroom that revives life anything other than divine? That's right! One of these mushrooms, and that quiet heart of yours will beat again! No more chills from that cold, pasty flesh of yours! No more wishing you could use the restroom! And food? I imagine it would actually be filling, never mind tasty again.

So what does it take to get your hands on these god-fungus? Mind you there's only ONE available, so... obviously, you must understand that it's no small price. However, I find it very reasonable, exceptionally reasonable, all considering.

GET YOUR LIFE-REVIVING MUSHROOM FOR ONLY 5 x 10⁷ INDIGOS TODAY!


***: FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY!! With your purchase of the life-reviving mushroom, you can also order the HEART OF IMMORTALITY, which will make it so you'll never, ever have to worry about terrible-old death knocking at your door! It's harvested fresh from the chest of a shiningdown, and let me tell you from experience, that's one feisty star. Your heart will be kicking for an eternity, I assure you. Think about it-- revive yourself and freeze your youth for eternity, all for the reasonable price of 1 x 10¹⁵ Indigos!

Comments

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

How am I crazy? I'm presenting a fantastic offer at a reasonable price. You're the one who's suspiciously insane if you can't recognize a good deal.

[adamantined]

Whether it's a good deal or not isn't the point. The point is that you're advertising something like this publicly, and everyone's going to see it as a good deal, and everyone is going to want it. Do you see the problem there?

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

Problem? That's the entire point of this advertisement! The more people that want it, the higher the price people will be willing to pay.

[adamantined]

You can't just put a price on life like this. And you definitely can't offer someone's heart like this. Cursed or not.

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

It's a mushroom that can restore life, not a life! A material item, even.

That's what stars are made for.

[adamantined]

You can't say something like that is just a material item.

She's a person as much as she's a star.

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

I can touch it, so it's a material item.

Do you call all the rocks in the sky people then?

[adamantined]

Do all the rocks in the sky have personalities that walk and talk and probably get annoyed that you're auctioning off their vital, material organs?

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

You haven't seen the star around complaining and getting annoyed, have you?

1/2

[adamantined]

Maybe she doesn't know how to react to someone wanting to sell her heart.

[adamantined]

This is a curse. It's not even worth it.

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

... I'm certain she would know exactly how, if she was to react.

[adamantined]

Has anyone ever told you they want to sell what's keeping you alive?

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

No.

.. But it's the heart of a Star. I have to sell it.

[adamantined]

Why?

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

Because I have to.

[ Because there's no sense in a curse. ]

[adamantined]

Right. Talk to me in twenty-four hours. And stay away from the knives.

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to cut her open unless I have a guaranteed buyer. That would- that would be a waste, I'm sure.

[adamantined]

Sure. Because having a buyer makes all the difference in the world.

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

It does. I'm glad you've finally figured it out.

[adamantined]

You're a moron.

[gazingup.livejournal.com]

You're extremely rude.